Schitzophonic

2007-08-09T08:44:00.001-04:00

Do you know that first sip of something cold when you can feel exactly where you stomach lining is?

I shine brightest of them all!

2007-04-12T11:25:00.000-04:00

cute is the new emo

2007-04-03T10:12:00.000-04:00

Taking a cue from Chrisafer:

"She's really good!"

Olde Country Buffet

2006-09-06T16:36:00.000-04:00

My sister and I grew up in a gourmet void and it is something that we never let my mother forget. We never understood my mother's inability to cook meat to anything less than a charred block until now.

My mother's ancsestry originates in Ireland - just a hop across the North Channel to Scotland. Have you ever ordered a hamburger in the UK? If so, then you understand the black, charred, dryness mixed with the over salted seasoning that is a British hamburger. Such was my mother's Roast beef, meatloaf and of course burger. Can you guess how her vegetables are prepared?

That's right - all vegetables of any color are boiled to the point where they are white and mushy. No teeth required.

Anyway, for most of you, this means nothing, but for me it was an epiphany. It wasn't that my mother didn't know how to cook well, it's that bad cooking was part of her upbringing. That's all....

2006-03-30T22:24:00.000-05:00

porkchops begat poop begat flushing begat sewage begat Candace Cameron's temporarily unborn fetus.

2006-02-08T07:15:00.000-05:00

Only a nucleus could understand why it's so lonesome to be in the center.

Go Geico, Go Geico...

2006-02-06T10:00:00.000-05:00

Seriously, GO! Leave my sight!

After increasing my rates in September by $200 for no reason and now increasing an additional $400 for no reason, I'm ready to cut you loose. Every six months some employee of yours casually makes a "mistake" to my renewed policy that causes a rate increase, or some "survey" of repair costs forces a rate hike...

No more. I'm leaving you to be in the good hands of President Palmer and AllState.

...and may I advise anyone with Geico to check out Progressive's service to compare...it ended up saving me $600/6 months.

Jenny Wilson Fill Ups my Ears

2006-02-03T16:31:00.000-05:00

Straddling a world somewhere between Kate Bush, Joanna Newsom, and 80's synth pop, Swedish Siren Jenny Wilson has managed to create a sound sure to lure many indie queers to her rocky shores. Stream her entire album at her website

More Curtis Vodka - Bammers Beware!

2006-02-01T00:07:00.000-05:00

I guess I was lucky yesterday to catch his Werewolf mix because he added a new one today (the link from yesterday's post still works). This is much more in line with what I think of as Baltimore club - which means I like the werewolf mix better...but still great stuff!

B-more Candy Mix - features nice remix of Luxurious (Gwen Stefani) and the Jefferson's theme song as well as a song about everybody's favorite sandwich.

Aural Happiness

2006-01-30T23:43:00.000-05:00

Here's some recent finds of mine which I wish to share and spread:

1) Curtis Vodka - Music for Werewolf that Own Cadillacs (entire remix album - tracks not divided)
2) Strip Squad - Down and Out and Away
3) Monkey Swallows the Universe - Sheffield Shanty
4) Acid House Kings - Sunday Morning
5) Final Fantasy - This Modern Love (Bloc Party cover)
Bonus for Mr. Bartender:
Feist - Mushaboom (dirty remix) from Fat Planet
(thanks for the tip)

Confession:

2006-01-07T01:42:00.000-05:00

When I have trouble sleeping, I recreate my gymnastics routines from the sixth grade in my head.

Fete des rois

2006-01-03T15:39:00.000-05:00

Well, I suppose I'm late to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year so I'll wish everyone the best Fete des Rois ever!

Even with the rain I still wish I were in L.A.

Dream Diary 1

2005-12-21T13:59:00.000-05:00

So, I had a rather strange dream last night that I feel compelled to recount.

To give background for my dream that I created during the dream:

Congolese rebels are on the attack, burning villages on their way to the presidential compound in Brazzaville. Prior to these attacks CBS chose the location as the site for Survivor 14 of which I was selected to be a contestant. The 16 castaways have already been dropped off when the dream begins.

So, I remember thinking, so this is it...we're on our own...no food, no water. We were given a map that led us to our camp. In order to get there we had to traverse miles and miles of lush African Grasslands. The big five animals were no where in sight. They had all been massacred by the rebel fighters. All that stood out was dead golden grass waving in the wind. The tribe entered the fenced compound that belonged to the president of the country. A river rushed by one edge of the property with treacherous rapids - perhaps the Sangha? My group continued uphill through more grass and we set our meager belongings next to a giant mansion that belonged to the president.

I quickly made an alliance with Mechell Ndegeocello who was the surprise celebrity. The competition was rather vague. I remember preparing myself for headaches from not drinking water and being very hungry. What was wierd about this was that we were allowed to use the mansion and we would take showers and swim in the pool and other people in the group would eat and drink. I kept telling them: Hey, this isn't really the point, is it? But eventually I gave up trying to hunt rodents in the grass and opened the freezer for a Bocca Burger. After the tribes merged I learned that Bruce Willis and Michelle Pfeifer were also competing. Bruce Willis was the first to go after we merged and as he left he asked everyone if they wanted to see his wang. I had been told by J. that his female friend had "done" Bruce and that his wiener was not all that, but what he showed us was swollen and large, encased in black latex with the chestnuts free to breathe. Following this and before departing, Michelle (not Mechell) and Bruce snuggled and kissed because while they were on the same tribe for the beginning of Survivor Congo they became close and fell in L.O.V.E.

I didn't win the competition because other parts of the dream involved me sitting in on the tribal councils as a jury member. The rest is vague and nobody went on strike and nobody wrote pointless articles that don't really say anything at all. But eventually I did wake up and people were on strike and people were writing pointless articles that don't really say anything at all.

I've seen Color of Night, so I know that I was very generous to Bruce, but I know deep inside that it's not how big it is, but how you use it. Feel free to leave comments with links to naked photos of Mr. Willis.

2005-12-19T16:29:00.000-05:00

I would like to encourage the Parking Enforcement of DC to unionize and go on strike. What a great city DC would be!

Familiar Comfort

2005-12-08T23:54:00.000-05:00

A couple weeks back I checked Beth Orton's site to see what she might be up to figuring that she's definitely ridden Daybreaker into the ground (Not that I dont still love every song on it) to find nothing new.

Torr (see December 1) now has two downloads available "In Your Arms" and "Shadow of a Doubt" along with a streamable version of "Conceived" which is apparently the first single from the February 7th album, The Comfort of Strangers. She appears to be moving back towards Trailer Park and Central Reservation with more of a blues or folk band sound to it which makes sense given that Jim O'Rourke of Sonic Youth notoriety is at the production helm. For now I reserve judgement until I can hear the whole thing...but comments on Torr indicate fans will be disappointed. Really great and thanks for the tracks, Torr.

Read the Billboard article here.

Fudge Packer Snowman

2005-12-08T00:09:00.000-05:00

Nieman Marcus, for the chocolate lovers of 2005, sells a white chocolate snowman filled with milk chocolate truffle. The dimensions are 15"Hx6"wx3"w. I want to punch that fucker in the face and eat out its ass utnil I find last Tuesday's lunch - which I assume was chocolate.

(saved but never posted) From: 12/8/2005

2005-12-07T23:46:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago, Jason's friend Sam mentioned over mojitos that his signature recipe came from the same book that my signature recipe comes from. Mine is Alsacian saurkraut (although my friends would say its the braised red cabbage (p 396)) Sam's is Carbonnades a la Flammande which translates to beef braised in beer. The bible of which I speak is none other than Mastering the Art of French Cooking by Julia Child. Jerome attests that the recipes are overly complicated and needlessly so and swears by the food network database. I say, "Yes, they may be overly complicated but you can't argue with butter." Seriously, you can't. I've tried and I'm generally left with grease covered hands and nothing to put in my dutch oven.

As the temperature drops, my craving for stew raises so when we discussed this I had to try it out. Tonight, that's what I'm doing (for tomorrow night.) Here are a few realizations from the experience:

1) beef stew is just a beer and a broth away from a steak sub.
2) I need to orchestrate my birthdays better.
3) Overly complicated or not, Julia Child's recipes can turn your apartment from a stool smelling pit to a delicious feast in about an hour. One hour after cooking is another story, so make sure people eat quickly.

bon appetit mes amis. I'm really excited to watch the project runway premiere tomorrow night (and I'm resisting temptation right now) and to try this masterpiece stew that has my home smelling less like a homeless shelter and more like a Great Steak Escape at the mall.

32

2005-12-07T15:31:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to send out a big thank you to everyone who made me feel like the luckiest boy in the world yesterday for having so many delightful friends. The only person I would like to not thank is Yoki who instead of wishing me a happy birthday proceeded to tell me what she wanted for her birthday which is on Monday. Way to hurt my feelings, Yoki.

Underwear outranks lifetime achievements

2005-12-05T11:51:00.000-05:00

Flipping through the Style section this morning it struck me that Robert Redford's daughter has the same teeth as the alien of the Alien movies. Both CNN and MSNBC diss the honors by not featuring the award show front and center on their pages, instead opting for Tyra Banks' retirement and Victoria's Secret TV special.

In other entertainment news, Mary J. Blige begins preparing for her role as my favorite jazz singer of them all, Nina Simone. I doubt that Blige will be able to capture the raspy emotion put forth by Simone, but the troubled past of Blige gives me a boost of confidence that she can pull it off.

Schitzophonic to change again

2005-11-28T11:15:00.000-05:00

Well,

I received notice from my web host that payment is due. Due to my lack of inspiration and willingness to set time aside to blog, I've decided that I don't want to pay anymore to have music. I will continue to blog, but without the mp3 streaming and using the old site address:

www.schitzophonic.blogspot.com

Please update your links as I love getting visitors.

Project Runway 2 revealed

2005-11-14T14:23:00.000-05:00

Last years surprise hit Project Runway returns December 7th with Project Runway 2. Reality TV World features photos of cast members and models (remember the drama or Morgan?) as well as a typical press release type summary of what to expect. Looks like the biggest loser with his foil trimmed butcher paper suit is back for a second go at fame and fortune along with 15 others.

Whereas I doubt they will ever be able to reproduce the paranoia of Wendy Pepper or the psychotic meltdowns of Star or Venessa, I'm still looking forward to it.

The GOP stinks!

2005-11-11T11:22:00.000-05:00

If there were to be a day where I might shit my pants, today would be it.

It's not as though I have diarrhea or even soft stool...it's just that I ate too much garlic last night. Not intentionally - just as a matter of circumstance. Garlic, onions, and peppers (GOP) all wreak havoc on my bowels churning up cubes and cubes of cubic meters of gas that bubbles incessantly like a cauldron of hot spells. Fortunately, the GOP farts escape silently into the atmosphere so as I create stench, I can exit unnoticed leaving friends and family wondering where the dog might be hiding.

Here is a list of food I should definitely not eat:
Chicken Tenders and Onion Rings
40 clove garlic chicken
Italian sausage with onions and peppers
garlic cheese bread
pearl onions in an herb cream sauce

Well, gotta go....be back when the air clears.

Aerial

2005-11-08T16:56:00.000-05:00

I've decided to reserve Kate Bush's new album, Aerial, for walking, lazy Sundays, and perhaps a country drive. The unexpected (FOR ME) release of her latest effort caught me off guard, but the depths to which the album touched me with its lush instrumentation and beautiful lyrics surprised me even more. So, to prevent tarnishing this album by overplay or unenjoyable experiences, there will be no playing Aerial during rush hour, at the gym during cool down, or while at work.

Maybe it's just the place I'm in right now, constantly drowsy and looking for escape, but this album definitely ranks as my favorite album of the year and may go beyond into the decade. I'll hopefully have time to update this post with a more meaningful review, but in the meantime keep the tracks "Aerial," "Sunset," "Prologue," and "The Coral Room" in mind as my four stand out tracks. Truly sublime from beginning to end.

Monday morning sunrise surprise

2005-11-08T11:21:00.000-05:00

Yesterday while driving to work on an incredibly busy but not backed up 270, I noticed a man dressed in a business suit pulled over to the side of the road angled with his back to the road, obviously taking a wee. I thought, how strange that someone would do that during rush hour. No matter, the person strategically placed himself such that it was obvious what he was doing and anyone driving towards him would have any views blocked by his car door...

...that is until I passed him and then looking in the rear view mirror I caught a glimpse of his prescious wang, shooting out streams of golden fluids like a fountain of Versailles during sunset.

J. thinks he was probably on diuretics. I think he was just European.

What explanation do you have?

Playlist Updated

2005-11-02T23:57:00.000-05:00

Magic Slumbers

2005-10-27T16:38:00.000-04:00

Whatever critic decided that The Magic Numbers were following in the footsteps of Belle and Sebastian should consider listening to Belle and Sebastian. And whatever conglomerate decided that they should be the new media darling is out of its avacado. These guys aren't bad, but the push is rather misleading: try alt-country.

Anyway, they're growing on me in the same way Cracker kind of did in the 90's and encourage any Backroads fans to check them out.

LOST spoilers

2005-10-13T12:38:00.000-04:00

Well, in case you didn't get it yesterday, the clues were:
Richard Hatch, Ducan Hines, Missy Elliot's So Addictive
Hatch, Duncan, So Addictive

It can only be one show:

I thought last night's episode continued to keep me guessing, but here are the two things that spoiled it for me.
1) When Sayid was banging the magnetic metal pole, the writers decided to include a wierd moment of explanation by having Sayid explain to Jack that because the pole was titanium it had no magnetic attraction. Subtle...

2) At the end of the episode when Rose and Hurley (who suddenly was being called Hugo by everybody) were chatting, Rose had a booger in her nose.

Updated Playlist

2005-10-12T21:48:00.000-04:00

Because there wasn't anything else to do, I updated the playlist. Enjoy!

Guess That Show

2005-10-12T10:49:00.000-04:00

New Album Reviews

2005-10-05T11:08:00.000-04:00

BRIEFLY
Ladytron: I've always liked Ladytron, but never loved them. I LOVE Witching Hour.
CoCo Rosie: Noah's Ark playful nature results in a Billie Holiday meets Bjork that some may embrace and others may shun. I fall into the first category. Chances are if you haven't heard of CoCo Rosie yet, this album isn't going to change that. Worship the cover art.

Depeche Mode: Playing the Angel takes them back to their days of Violator and Music for the Masses which makes me perfectly happy.
Franz Ferdinand: I never dug their first album except for the single, but this second album takes the best of their sound and folds it into some nice Beatlesque melodies. Moi Excellente!
Elbow: I love Elbow, but after their sophomore album Cast of Thousands blew me away, I find this one a little vanilla.
Fiona Apple: Might be interesting or might be blowing smoke out her ass. I haven't decided which it is.
Junior Senior: Not impressed upon first listen, but I finally got it and bigfoot dance now!

raisin d'etre

2005-10-04T11:23:00.000-04:00

I spent the morning picking raisins out of my granola because they remind me of little bunny turds. In the process, I thought to myself:

"God...I kind of wish I was George W. Bush's friend....cause then....I'd have a really cool job."

Even though I can't satand the guy's politics, I can appriciate the loyalty he has towards friends, especially at the expense of disappointing his supporters...cause let's face it: He could have picked a lot worse than he did.

Chris has a(n?) hysterical take on the nomination here, and Ben:

UGMO is hot!

2005-09-30T14:13:00.000-04:00

I'm always a sucker for mug shots.

Thanks to The Bosh for the link

The Tutor. Go See It.

2005-09-28T23:44:00.000-04:00

Although my Broadway geek status has dwindled since highschool, I still love a good show. J. and I went up to see an early production of my childhood friend Andrew Gerle's musical The Tutor staring Anthony Rapp of Rent fame and Daphne of Daphne and Celeste fame (or maybe it was Celeste). If I remember correctly, these parts were recast for the full production. Anyway, the show is quite excellent and if you're in NYC, check it out.

The Tutor only plays through October 2nd at 59E59 B stage. You can find some mp3s and sheetmusic here.

Also, keep your eye on Meet John Doe another of Andrew's shows as it is also making some waves.

NBC's Monkey's Paw

2005-09-28T11:58:00.000-04:00

Amy Grant has returned from o'er the river Styx to lure helpless Americans into her prickly grasps. Her new NBC show entitled 3 Wishes focuses on giving 3 people in an American community a chance to make their lives better whether it be by building a handicapped girl a private gym or giving a guy a truck. These innocent townfolk don't know what's coming, though - because these wishes come at a price - one so horrific and putrid that their town may never be the same again.

Are you familiar with the tale of The Monkey's Paw? If not, it is an old short story by W.W. Jacobs. In the tale, each person who receives the mummified paw is granted 3 wishes at the expense of somebody else's misery...and such is the mystery of 3 Wishes the show.

As the show progresses, each person is granted their wish, resulting in tears and applause. But then, night falls and Amy Grant beckons her new followers to her temple (a rickety stage on the back drop of some Scooby Doo State Fair). Like zombies the freshly satisfied townfolk approach her alter wanting more...more guidance...more Amy granted wishes...more...more...more...and then as the farris wheel creaks to a halt, loud shrieks and guitar plucks resonate from the stage...and the carnage that is Amy Grant's singing begins.

Yes people, you can have your 3 wishes, but just like everything in life...there is a price.

Playlist Updated

2005-09-25T23:07:00.000-04:00

Well, I've been delinquent in updating my playlist, so here's some breadcrumbs I picked up while wandering recently. Enjoy!

Diet Right

2005-09-22T14:35:00.000-04:00

So I recently finished day 1 of Diet-to-Go. Me so hungy and I'm getting ready to attend a work party where there will be cake and fried appetizers...but I will be strong.

The way this thing works is twice a week I go and pick up a big bag of food for the next 3.5 days. Everything is measured out so you only consume a certain number of calories per day. J. and I are attempting the 1200 calories a day diet which is 800 calories below the average dietary intake. Each meal is packaged nicely, so there's no cooking, and no shopping, andno thinking (which for me is awesome). but me so hungy....

I have devloped a strategy. I will drink lots of water and I will stretch my meals out over a period of a couple hours by eating my meals in phases.

The food ranges from delicious (mountainberry muffin with cream cheese) to nasty (lentil salad). My orange was moldy today (only on the outside) and they messed up our first delivery (which hopefully was a one-time only thing). I think overall it's a great program and I think by mid-next week my stomach will adjust...but right now...I'm just so hungy...

Sample and Cherish

2005-09-21T16:27:00.000-04:00

Sadly enough over lunch today I read that HBO is not going to renew my favorite show of the summer: The Comeback.

Sample Madonna's new single "Hung Up" through VH1.com

Day-meres

2005-09-21T14:55:00.000-04:00

I am an incredibly grim person with a negative attitude and I view my life in black and white sketches like an Edward Gorey cartoon. I'm not sure if this is outwardly evident because I'm constantly trying to censor myself to the general public, although much less so (maybe a negligible amount) with friends of mine. I am reminded quite often of a situation early on in my relationship with J.

Picture it: President's weekend 2003, Washington, D.C.

A winter storm had blown through the district the previous evening closing many roads and grounding planes all along the east coast. J. worked for the Kennedy Center at the time (although now he's moved on to eating babies) and American Ballet Theater's performance of Romeo and Juliet began that week. The storm made road travel difficult and closed several businesses including the K.C. (which never closes)...but the dancers were on their way to D.C. by train and needed to get to the K.C. Jason needed to help the dancers to their hotels and I came along for the ride. Prior to this I had never attended a ballet and knew nothing about the art form; however, J. informed me that I would be meeting some of the most famous dancers in the world including Marcelo Gomez and Paloma Herrera.

So, we hop on this Kennedy Center Shuttle bus that was the only vehicle on the roads besides the snow plows (which by the way were stuck in snow drifts) and we start driving over to The Watergate with me standing in the aisle, holding onto a pole. As the bus started jostling and throwing me about, I looked down to see Paloma Herrera sitting with her feet on the floor right next to mine. The bus jostled and bumped about and I had a hard time keeping my footing. Although we arrived at the hotel without incident, in my twisted head, the bus knocked me off my feet and I landed on Paloma's feet, breaking her tibia and tearing all of the tendons in her ankles.

I bring this up mainly because I recently returned from a trip to Boulder, CO where I visited my only sibling, my brother-in-law, and my one month old niece. Although my niece isn't the first baby I've had access to, it is my first brand new relative with whom I've formed a connection. And she's so fragile. So, over the week, I imagined the following scenarios:

1) COFFEE NEAR BABIES MAKES ME NERVOUS. Waking from a good night's rest, I make my way downstairs to brew a pot of coffee. The blinding sunlight enters the kitchen through the sliding glass door. I pour myself a hot cup of coffee and add the appropriate amounts of creme and sugar (I like my coffee like I like my circle of friends - a couple drips and a lump (just kidding)). As I make my way towards the sofa to be reminded that Elizabeth from Survivor Australia IS in fact a host on The View, sunlight reflected from a collander temporarily blinds me, I trip, and boiling hot coffee splashes all over the baby's face and scalp (who was harmelessly lying in her "Soothing Vibrations" chair).

2) HOLDING A BABY IS A BIG RESPONSIBILITY. My sister hands me Emma for the first time and I take her uncertainly and hold her head firmly in one hand and her little bottom in the other. My sister plays a joke and asks me what time it is. I don't realize that this is a joke and I check the time on my hand that is holding the baby's head. The baby's neck muscles are insufficient to support the weight of her skull and her neck flops back causing irreversible damage.

3) PLAYGROUNDS, CLUMSY ADOLESCENTS, AND BABIES ARE AN ACCIDENT WAITING TO HAPPEN. Sis and I take Emma into the neighborhood park in her stroller. The sun sets beautifully over the Rocky Mountains to the west, and all of the 10-12 year olds are running around playing TV tag where you can unfreeze somebody by crawling through their legs and shouting out the name of a favorite TV show. As we push the stoller down the walkway, a clumsy teenager tries to free a friend from being frozen and as he shouts out "Gilmore Girls" his head rams into the carriage, knocking poor baby to the ground. The newly thawed friend trips over the clumsy teenager and lands on top of poor baby.

Well, anyway, except for projectile poop, I made it through the week without any major mishaps...and by Wednesday I was able to stop playing these scenarios out in my head. Emma is incredibly beautiful and I can't wait until I get to see her again.

Kanye, Kanye, Kanye

2005-09-06T11:44:00.000-04:00

As a good friend recently told me...
It isn't that George W. Bush doesn't care about black people, it's that he doesn't care about poor people.

Mad craps to J. for cracking me up with this statement.

Well, it seems that First Lady Laura is feeling something other than the pleasurable sensation of cigarette smoke flowing in and out of her lungs: DISGUST.

"I think all of [Kanye West's] remarks were disgusting, to be perfectly
frank because, of course, President Bush cares about everyone in our country,
and I know that," Laura Bush told a journalist with American Urban Radio
Networks on one of her flights to survey damage in Mississippi.

That's not disgust, Lady Laura. It's menthol.

And me, I'm feeling regret for my little feud with Arianna. Let's kiss and make up, baby. I was wrong and you were right. Let's put the past behind us and look forward towards a Bush-free America.

Sweet (16x2)+2 Playlist

2005-09-05T13:29:00.000-04:00

Music from and inspired by my friend Jerome's birthday celebration.
Playlist updated.

Note to Arianna Huffington: Our Honeymoon is Over

2005-09-02T10:07:00.000-04:00

When I started reading The Huffington Post, the articles condemning the Bush administration and the war in Iraq captured my heart by spoon feeding me what I wanted to hear. Now, with the decimation of New Orleans by Hurricane Katrina taking the front pages, Arianna has sunk to a new level that I previously reserved for airheads such as Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Kauffman by asking the question: "Are people dying over here because we're fighting over there?". The situation is horrific and devastating and for Arianna to be using this disaster to promote her agenda (which generally I support) equates her to nothing more than a Tacky Tabitha.

With even Bush giving himself his lowest self-evaluation ever: "UNACCEPTABLE", I don't think that we the people are stupid enough to not make the connection. I say give people time to mourn and start rebuilding before pointing fingers...

...after that, let the carnage begin.

I will forgive you in time; however for now I am moving your link from "news" to "propaganda" in my favorites toolbar.

Butterstick vs Tonka vs China Washington, magnificent

2005-08-26T10:13:00.000-04:00

Update 8/26/2005:
I was able to locate a secondary camera through the Animal Planet web site thanks to NPR.com to compensate for the National Zoo's pathetic camera capacity. Kitty Eisele reported on NPR today about her obsession with the national zoo's panda cams. During the story, she gave sad props to "The Bloggers' " campaign to name the cuddly cub "Butterstick", using a tone of voice to ennuciate "the Bloggers" as a fundamentalist Christian would mention "The Gays" or senior citizens would mention "The Cancer." (could this be a commentary from the media about bloggers' roll in today's culture?) Anyway, the implied response to "The Bloggers" request is that "Butterstick" is now "built like a Tonka truck". Funny how that didn't appear as an option either, cause I might have voted for Tonka assuming Butterstick wasn't an option. Note to Kitty: DC is quickly turning from a Blue State to a Butterstick state...oh wait....they seem to be the same thing.

Note to San Diego: You're pathetic.

Vote Butterstick!

Playlist updated

2005-08-25T00:14:00.000-04:00

Random stuff. The last song was performed by some friends of mine.

Polyunsaturated Oil Stick

2005-08-24T11:12:00.000-04:00

I have to admit, I have hopped on the Butterstick Bandwagon and couldn't think of a better name for the nation's only significant panda baby than America's favorite passion: greasy fat. The only problem: even though western cuisine revolves around butter and fat, chinese cooking relies on "...poly-unsaturated oils, and milk, cream, butter and cheese are not a part of the daily diet."

I also should mention to the national zoo that your camera capacity sucks. You may want to consider booting people off after a given time to allow others a chance to see. And for those of you with the camera sitting open on your desktop, eat my corn-pocked turd or close the window you selfish nancies.

There has to be a term for it...

2005-08-23T10:32:00.000-04:00

If a gay man hides behind a beard, what does a lesbian hide behind?

10 songs I'm digging right now

2005-08-19T18:35:00.000-04:00

The instructions are:List ten songs that you are currently digging ... it doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they're no good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions, the artists, and the ten songs in your blog. Then tag five other people to see what they're listening to.

Best Friend Envy - The Brunettes
The Bleeding Hearts Club Show - The New Pornographers
Tender (Cornelius Mix) - Blur
Conversation Piece - David Bowie
Get Close to Mine - Junesex
Cool - Gwen Stefani
Fastlane (Morel's Pink Noise Remix) - Esthero
Soft Revolution - Stars
Cold Wind - The Arcade Fire
Junkyard - Page France

Just curious what John, Ben, Paul (photos will work), Michael and Seeking Irony are listening to.

2005-08-18T09:34:00.000-04:00

The BK Broiler

The BTK Broiler

It's sad, but I couldn't resist.

Wikipedia gets Wicked

2005-08-17T22:15:00.000-04:00

After the last post, I had to also include this (also not friendly for work) link.

Thanks, Evil Monkey.

My Kind of Easy Listening

2005-08-17T22:10:00.000-04:00

The playlist is updated. Try not to gag.
(warning link not safe for work)

Flight 93 movie.

2005-08-17T13:18:00.000-04:00

MSNBC entertainment news today talks about the possiblity of a suspense thriller situated on United Airlines Flight 93 that crashed on September 11. Although to me the entry of September 11th into popular culture does not mark our society "coming to terms with the calamity" I am intrigued by the prospects of my high school acquaintance who I sat next to in French class for 2 years being portrayed on the big screen by a big name celebrity. Who should it be? Might I suggest Lacy Chabert?

Virgin Mega Whore

2005-08-12T19:12:00.000-04:00

On the back of my "copy protected" Etienne Daho Réévolution CD it states:

"On some equipment, for example car CD players playback problems may be encountered."

And my response to you, Richard Branson, and your team of pathetic software engineers is:

"Suck my crusty venereal infected clit you reality flop colorectal mother fucker! What the pussywillow is the purpose of the music if you can't fracking listen to it either on your computer, iPod, or in your automobile?"

...and that's all I have to say except that the CD is on my iPOD and I have 500 backups burned.

The side of my cup says:

2005-08-12T14:39:00.000-04:00

"There is a hidden magic in Starbucks coffee; proper brewing releases the subtle bouquet of flavors stored in each bean."

Translation:

"There is crack cocaine in Starbucks coffee; our staff's puss excretions release the subtle bouquet of flavors stored in each rock."

Set Your TiVo to Red: Battle of the Reality Stars

2005-08-12T11:32:00.000-04:00

Although modern reality TV has just turned 5 years old using the original Survivor as the definitive c-section for the genre, I'm anxious to see how this bunch of z list celebrities can extend their face time from 15 minutes to 16 minutes on the new Bravo series Battle of the Network Reality Stars. Such a show beckons me back to the old days of Circus of the Stars and Celebrity Challenge of the Sexes. What I find most interesting about the list is that they did a pretty good job in selecting the people I find interesting. In addition to some usual suspects (Richard Hatch, Omarosa Manigault Stallworth and Susan Hawk) there are a few surprises. Here's a few of the highlights for me:

Charla and Myrna (Amazing Race)
Nikki McKibbin (American Idol)
Wendy Pepper (Project Runway)

New Playlist

2005-08-11T22:46:00.000-04:00

A little indie
A little dance
A little glam

Thanks Kyle and Jerry for pointing me to some of these.

Spice Girl Xanadu

2005-08-11T10:12:00.000-04:00

or as my sister likes to call her - Emma Rose - entered my life yesterday with a sniffling call from my mother from Colorado. At the time of the phone call, I was watching the most recent episode of Six Feet Under entitled "All Alone." This had a similar unsettling effect on me as the time when I tried to eat a pizza while watching Hotel Rawanda. My mom's cell phone had poor reception which ended up forcing me to scream into the phone "CAN YOU HEAR ME? CAN YOU HEAR ME?" over and over again. Of course my mother responded "no" which made no sense because the correct answer for the question if she had really meant no would have been no answer at all. In the end, I had to hang up the phone after getting bare bones information regarding the birth of my first niece - Beautiful baby girl 6 lbs 13 oz 7:30 PM large honking feet black petals of hair - My absence from the day has resulted in feelings of jealousy that continue to circulate my body through a complex network of neurons known as the .

Later last night, I talked with my sister for only a couple of minutes because the doctors were in the process of "scooping her uterus off the floor." I don't think that things went too well for her, but after 24 hours of labor she was able to push Emma out with out need for a C-section. I wish my sister and Emma the best for their recovery and couldn't be happier of more proud for my family today.

Emma Rose

2005-08-10T23:01:00.000-04:00

Born unto my sister at ~7:30 PM Mountain time 6 lbs 13 oz with curly black petals of hair and giant honking feet.

The Apple Drunkling Gang

2005-08-08T10:55:00.000-04:00

In no particular order:

Dear UPS,

2005-08-04T14:43:00.000-04:00

In answer to your recent question, "What can brown do for you?" I thought I would give you a few examples of what brown did to me:

Hepatitis A
Roundworm
Chagas Disease
Donald Rumsfeld

Additionally, I think your new campaign is pretty nasty outside of the fetish community. May I suggest changing your strategy to: "Brown. So much better than yellow."?

Sincerely,
Schtzo

2005-08-04T11:39:00.000-04:00

Tennis anyone?

The Next Live 8 Right in My Own Back Yard

2005-08-03T13:45:00.000-04:00

Ceasefire music festival
September 24
National Mall

"As Live Aid and Live 8 raised desperately needed funds and awareness for hunger and poverty, Operation Ceasefire intends to raise money for the fight against the misguided and immoral war and occupation of Iraq!"

So far, the line up is as follows:
Thievery Corporation
Anti-Flag
Le Tigre
Bouncing Souls
Steve Earle
The Coup
Head-Roc
Jello Biafra
Wayne Kramer of the MC5
many others
Source

Jason's List

2005-08-02T22:49:00.000-04:00

Given that today marks the birth of someone very special to me, I am dedicating the playlist this week to songs that Jason would enjoy (plus one song he's never heard but I'm sure he'll like)

Also, special birthday wishes to Martin Sheen and Martha Stewart.

Déjà Did

2005-08-02T14:59:00.000-04:00

Every morning (except when I bring my own) I stop at the cafeteria and buy a medium cup of coffee for $1.42. Because pennies, nickels, and dimes accumulate quite easily, I generally use these coins to make up the $.42 -- usually 12 pennies, 2 nickels and 2 dimes. So just like every other day I went to my change cup and sorted out the correct amount and went down to get a cup of coffee.

At lunch today, the cafeteria lady at the register, B. commented that she thought I had brought my own cup of coffee and I had no idea what she was talking about. I said that I had bought a cup of coffee from her earlier in the day. She replied with something else to which I said, "I have no idea what you are talking about...I don't understand..." and then I paid for my lunch and sat down. About 30 minutes after lunch I decided I wanted something from the vending machine. I fished in my pocket for money and lo and behold! 12 pennies, 2 nickels and 2 dimes. I totally shoplifted my coffee. I rushed down and found B., apologized profusely, and paid the full amount.

What disturbs me so much about this account is that I had a fully developed memory of myself paying for that cup of coffee this morning. It even involved talking with the cashier who I obviously didn't talk to or she would have questioned why I wasn't paying for my coffee...I mean, I'm sure I asked how her weekend was...but maybe that was on Monday...Could this be the opposite of Déjà Vu? Maybe Artiloop will have something to say about forming memories out of nothing at all besides telling me that I'm one of the sleeping dead.

Flickr Off

2005-08-02T12:41:00.000-04:00

Last night when I walked from my kitchen to the bedroom carrying a freshly dispensed glass of cold filtered water something gigantic caught my eye in the door jam of our bathroom. Enormous earth shaking cock roach love. I've lived with roaches before and can deal with them when I know they're there, but when caught off guard I can't recover. So I ran screaming and demanded that J. be the judge, jury and executioner for this pair who defiled our door frame.

He made fun of me and called me names, but in the end he saved the day with a swift blow from the Steve Madden pink thong sandal after joyfully watching them finish their encounter. Just kidding.

Anyway, after the carnage I retreated back to bed only to be overcome for a moment with regret. What had I done? Is there anything that would have made a better photo montage on my new (and fairly empty) Flickr account [user name schtzo] than the image of a cock roach couple making sweet love in the shadows of a city bathroom followed by their violent and untimely murder?

I thought not...until this morning when I took Yoki for a walk through Kalorama Triangle park...

A homeless gent enshrouded in a white sheet lay spread across the lawn like a fallen soldier on a battlefield (okay...it was only one person). Encircling him was a pack of neighborhood dogs, urinating and deficating and sniffing and playing while the owners sipped their morning brew while discussing the current heat wave. I couldn't help think that this would be the thought provoking photograph that would result in hundreds of comments and an international following. But as I pulled my camera phone from my pocket, my conscience pulled harder and I slipped the phone back without a second thought and without a Flickr photo to post.

If that person is there tomorrow morning though, I'm taking the photo.

The Great Space Race

2005-07-28T09:59:00.000-04:00

Given all of the recent craze about the United States returning to space and all the talk of foam and tiles, I just want to say that I think that NASA is missing the point. Instead of trying to develop a new type of space craft that more resembles an airplane than the current space shuttle, they should be working towards a convertable space craft that cruises through the galaxy on rainbows.

Mama Possum says:

2005-07-27T22:57:00.000-04:00

Come my babies and rest your tiny marsupial bodies upon my tired back and we'll play dead together...

Playlist updated. Enjoy!
Simply press play on the XSPF player below the archives.

Amazing Race 8 news

2005-07-26T13:05:00.000-04:00

Warning: The below post and links contain spoilers that you may want to avoid to preserve the totally awesome thrill that is "The Amazing Race"

CBS's reality show Amazing Race is in the process of filming it's 8th installment which apparently started filming on July 7th in New York city. The application revealed late last spring that the newest installment would involve families of 4 and that children above the age of 12 would be eligable. The big question at hand is how die hard fans will take to the tweaking of its formula by having families of 4 race "around the world." Friends who know me well, understand that my guilty pleasure is watching the teenaged Survivor rip-off "Endurance" so I'm sure I'll continue to watch this fall.

A co-worker forwarded to me today this discussion group (contains potential spoilers) about various sightings around the US and Canada of the Amazing Racers including the gay mecca, Alabama and New Jersey.

Check It!

2005-07-22T22:23:00.000-04:00

Itch U Can't Scratch Junior Senior

It's not that I'm uninspired...

2005-07-20T23:25:00.000-04:00

I'm just lazy.

Here's a playlist including a shockingly irresistable Shakira song that bekons Everything But the Girl from Amplified Heart years (I think...). See if you can hear a little Dave Matthews (James Blunt who apparently has the number one song in Britain now) and Hall and Oats "Maneater" (Spoon). Thanks John and Paul for pointing me to some of the tunes.

A Baguette

2005-07-17T22:52:00.000-04:00

While I'm on a French roll, here's a link to a nice animated video from a favorite French pop singer of mine, Etienne Daho. This may take some back to the glory days of French dialogues and repetitions of irregular verb conjugations...je suis, tu es, il est, elle est...

TLC presents: A Born Again Story

2005-07-16T01:22:00.000-04:00

I spend my time now listening to The Smiths, Depeche Mode, Siouxie and the Banshees, Echo and the Bunnymen, and the Psychadelic Furs. The T-shirt I wore to The Bravery concert I purchased in 1992 at the second HFStival where the Soup Dragons were the headliners. For the math impaired, that was 13 years ago. I have the entire collection of top 100 songs for every year of the 80's. I don't care to watch "I love the 90's" b/c frankly I didn't care too much about them (except maybe '98-99). "I love the 80's" and "I love the 00's" and nothing in between. (funny how the years I love the most are defined by republican leadership...)

New Playlist

2005-07-14T23:52:00.000-04:00

Streamed music is for sampling purposes only. Don't forget to support your favorite artists by purchasing their albums. If you own the copywrite of these songs and would like to have them removed I will be happy to do so.

Madonna...I mean Esther's Ghost Writer

2005-07-12T11:34:00.000-04:00

Has anyone else noticed that whenever Madonna tries to take herself seriously, she always loses? (and even though I hate Andrew Toad Weber's music - Evita is probably the exception) I've read The English Roses, and I can honestly say that I don't believe that a rabbi could recreate a middle aged pop star's impression of What It Feels Like for a Girl to be left out of the clique.

Hurricane Moesha

2005-07-08T16:08:00.000-04:00

In a perfect world, hurricane names would reflect the cultural diversity of the world. I think it's time the World Meteorological Association update the name list to reflect a less western-centric world vision...and maybe start at the end of the alphabet every once in a while to give the later letters in the alphabet a chance to wreak havoc.

French kiss those Olympics good-bye!

2005-07-06T22:54:00.000-04:00

The playlist is now updated with a bunch of songs that won't be played at the 2012 Olympics. (Don't forget Bastille day is July 14th!)

Streamed music is for sampling purposes only. Don't forget to support your favorite artists by purchasing their albums. If you own the copywrite of these songs and would like to have them removed I will be happy to do so.

How Live 8 Helped raise my awareness:

2005-07-04T17:22:00.000-04:00

I am now aware that Hot Hot Heat's album is available in stores now.
I am now aware the the new season of Real World Austin has started with an all new episode on the 10 spot.
I am fully aware that I should be listening to Kayne West.
I am aware that MTV promised to air footage from the concert, but never promised to play the songs in their entirety.
I was not aware that snapping fingers could murder children...but now I am and I plan to selectively use this knowlege to my advantage in restaurants, movie theaters and on airplanes.
I'm aware that (Live 8 + Richard Ashcroft + Coldplay + Bittersweet Symphony) * (Madonna + Live 8 + Music + Live Aid + Get into the Groove) = Freddy Mercury + Queen + Live Aid + Radio Ga Ga
I'm vaguely aware of the feelings created by drinking a diet Coke with lime while watching starving children have flies buzz about their eyes.
I'm aware of why The Bravery would be jealous and angry at The Killers, cause I didn't see the Bravery on Live 8.
I'm aware that Pink Floyd are old as dirt but they still sound great.

2005-07-01T11:39:00.000-04:00

Good-bye Saaaaaaaaaaandra

Kookies and Krispy Kreme

2005-06-29T10:50:00.000-04:00

After a meteoric rise in the late nineties, Krispy Kreme lost some ground with the introduction of the Atkins diet. I doubt the company's dream of creating a bigger and better America will be realized; however, tasting this month's flavor reinvigorated my hunger for the fried dough. I wonder if this will be as popular as the company's frozen donut beverage that took the donut world by storm last summer. mmmmmm....Just thinking about drinking a nice cool glass of sugar, grease, and flour blended with ice and heavy cream makes my butt leak.

Prequel to Charla's Mane

2005-06-29T09:59:00.000-04:00

HBO will be airing the first 4 episodes of The Comeback tonight!

Say "Cheese", then say "ouch!"

2005-06-27T22:18:00.000-04:00

Update: I deleted the previous post here because when I read that post this morning, I almost threw up. I was channeling Hallmark. To those of you who read it, you can take the information and hold it close to your heart.

Congratulations to the Chimpnotists who came in 2nd at the Wonderland trivia night last night!

In other news, here is the Chimpnotists' list of reasons why a person would have a bloody rectum:

1) undigested Chex mix
2) too much popcorn
3) fists across America
4) you lost your keys
5) forgetting the function of press on nails
6) an angry cat
7) severe gastric disturbance
8) accidentally reach for the brillo pad when wiping
9) "everybody was kung foo fighting"
10) Captain Hook after Captain Morgan

Charla's mane:

2005-06-27T13:40:00.000-04:00

from Amazing Race 5 fame will be appearing on next week's episode of The Comeback, Lisa Kudrow's HBO brain baby about Valerie Cherish, a successful 90's sitcom actress who films a reality show about her comeback. The Comeback follows a similar format as HBO predecessor Curb Your Enthusiasm - loose script, heavily improvised, and loads of cameos.

What I like about it: Lance Barber as Paulie G

"Tom's partner behind the scenes of Room and Bored, Paulie G seems intent on taking Valerie down a notch. He interrupts his online Black Jack game just long enough to inform her that her character has been demoted to a Mrs. Roper-esque landlord living upstairs." (HBO.com)

Every week Paulie G's writing reflects his hatred of Valerie by turning her charcter into the stupid bitch he thinks she is in real life - kind of like a puppetmaster of sorts.

What I also like about it: Robert Michael Morris as Mickey - Who knew I would miss Charles Nelson Riley so much?

What I don't like about it:
It needs more Sarah Silverman.

Why does HBO need 3 shows like this? Can't they cancel Entourage to whittle it down to 2?

New playlist...

2005-06-25T13:46:00.000-04:00

I updated the player with a toe tapping Pride month Playlist.

These songs are for sampling purposes only. Don't forget to support these artists by purchasing their albums. If you own the rights to any songs and would like to have them taken down, contact me and I will be happy to do so.

Ted Leo and the Pharmacists 9:30 Club 6/23/2005

2005-06-24T00:14:00.000-04:00

My new favorite thing is going to concerts of bands I barely know.

Review:
Mary Timony - White Stripes sexual negative.
Radio 4 - Twitching for mediocrity. Make pledges now at 10 cents a twitch./Midnight Oil for a new Generataion. If you really care you can do the Google-ing.
Ted Leo+Pharmacists - Guitar masturbations. Time for me to go to pharmacy school.

Follow it up with a Ben's Chili Bowl Chaser and Ooh La La!
Thanks, Chris!

Schtzo gets press

2005-06-23T16:45:00.000-04:00

Thanks Jimbo for the extremely flattering words. Checkout the podcast HERE on Archerradio. I love Jimbo on crack.

Quel Horror!

2005-06-23T14:36:00.000-04:00

Generally, the dreams I consider to be nightmares reflect the horrible nature inside of myself. (Forgetting about playing the lead in my high school musical until the night of the first performance, being the serial killer, wearing a brown belt with black shoes, etc...) Rarely do I watch a scary movie and find myself peaking around corners for the banshee or axe murderer. I don't speed past corn fields, whispering to my car, "Please don't break down....please don't break down...just a little farther..." During the serial sniper attacks in Montgomery county I did get in my car and reclined the seat while filling my tank with gasoline, but that had more to do with not wanting to be seen in Montgomery County and not with the sniper.

I watched too many horror movies as a child. I'm convinced of this fact because I can watch almost any scary movie without lingering effects. That doesn't mean that I don't occasionally jump when the killer startles his victim from out of nowhere, but just that I don't leave the theater frightened. Such avid horror film viewing I attribute to growing up Catholic. Like Anakin Skywalker I decided that if I wish to battle the devil, I need to know the devil. What I learned: Being the devil isn't so bad. You might die off for a little while, but in the end you'll come back to kill another day. I don't go to church anymore.

Last Friday night I viewed Friday the 13th part 2 for the first time in about 20 years. I remember that it scared the living daylights out of me as a kid, so it was nice to enjoy it as an adult. Given how horrible my memory is, I was surprised how much I remembered...the opening scene where (I assume) the girl who killed Jason's mother in the first installment gets an ice pick through the temple...the guy in the wheelchair (who had no trouble getting around the rugged outdoors without the use of ramps) getting a machete across the face then falling backwards down the stairs, the heroine, Ginny, putting on Jason's mother's old sweater to try and trick Jason into thinking that she was his mother... The most brilliant part of the movie remains the scene where Jason corners Ginny into a room where she is hiding under the bed. The viewer sees his feet from her perspective and as she's trying to remain as quiet as possible, the camera shows a rat approaching her face. Ginny is so frightened she pees her pants and the golden liquid flows from under the bed, betraying her location to Jason. This never happens in horror movies. There should be more wetting and crapping going on....

...anyway, the viewing brought a few issues to light regarding me and horror movies.
1) The best part of a horror movie in my opinion is the beginning. I'm not talking about the pre-credit scene where someone gets axed, but after that where they show how life is before any of the characters have any inking that they are about to be stalked, tortured and turned into chop suey. Writers depict life as boring, ordinary, and mundane leaving the viewer with the feeling that the future victims are ill equipped both physically and emotionally for the events that are about to take place. (Are the producers trying to convey subliminal messages relating to appreciating the banality of life?) The characters in Friday part 2 remained unaware of Jason's presence for almost the entire movie, making it very satisfying to watch. Some movies with favorite opening sequences: The Shining, Children of the Corn, Scream, The Birds.
2) Because the victims don't comprehend the situation until it is too late, I always enjoy seeing the "holy shit" look right before the slaying. My holy shit face looks a lot like this. A moment of guilt and sadness quickly follows the initial elation resulting in a type of horny ecstasy that I've only experienced when confessing my sins.
3) I root for the underdog. I can't help it. So the moment when the tide turns, I lose interest. During the final scene where the hero/heroine battles the monster, I'm hoping the monster wins. I know if I were in the same situation, my competitive nature would kick in and I would cheer myself on to victory, but this isn't the same thing.

2005-06-19T13:04:00.000-04:00

Playlist updated
Don't forget that these songs are for sampling purposes only. Please support the artists and buy their albums.

Wedgies

2005-06-17T00:14:00.000-04:00

As my pants have started causing a ring of blood to form around my waistline, I bought some "Litehouse" blue cheese dressing for my iceberg wedge salads that I've been eating (which I call giving myself a wedgie...okay I don't, but I needed a title...and I will from now on...) On second inspection of the bottle, I realized that it said nowhere that it was actually low fat or low cal or low anything (which is my definition of LITE). I then looked at the label to see that 2 measly tablespoons contains 25% of my daily fat allowance. Guess I'll have to change back to my regular dressing. Here's the recipe:

1 part vinegar
17 parts water
0.5 parts brown mustard
0.01 part oil

shake vigorously and pour down the sink. Pull Litehouse dressing out of refrigerator and use instead.

I'll be updating the tracks on the player this weekend in case you're bored with the current selection.

Word of the Day

2005-06-14T11:01:00.000-04:00

Schizogonic

And in case you're wondering what schizogony is.

For example, in discussing today's disease of the day, malaria:

The life cycle of all species of human malaria parasites is essentially the same. It comprises an exogenous sexual phase (sporogony) with multiplication in certain Anopheles mosquitoes and an endogenous asexual phase (schizogony) with multiplication in the vertebrate host.
The latter phase includes the development cycle in the red cells (erythrocytic schizogony) and the phase taking place in the parenchyma cells in the liver (pre-erythrocytic schizogony). (www.btinternet.com)

In other news, I took great pride this weekend at the DC pride festival in booing city council member Carol Schwartz as she rode down 17th St. in her yellow mustang convertible. This is the same convertible that you can find illegally parked all over Washington, DC (since council members don't pay parking tickets thanks to Schwartz). Often times you will also find her dog's unscooped dookie doo next to the passenger side door. I'm beginning to think that her ideas stem from her schizogonic cycle of stupidity.

www.schtzotheblog.com

2005-06-13T21:56:00.000-04:00

Please redirect your links to:

www.schtzotheblog.com

My apologies for not posting this sooner but I've been traveling and struggling with learning HTML. The streaming music works, but the archive links do not. I'll be working on these next. Thanks for your patience.

The Stars at Night

2005-06-13T00:10:00.000-04:00

were neither big nor bright...deep in the heart of Texas. Instead, they were replaced by a hazy glow of hotel signs, reflected a million times over in the humidity of San Antonio. The Riverwalk amounted to nothing more than a sewer system with a sidewalk. The Alamo, which faces opposite an arcade of wax museums and a Ripley's Believe It Or Not proved to be nothing like the enormous anthropological museum on life in Texas featured in Pee Wee's Big Adventure, but just a big room, a gift shop and a museum. No adobe...no clay pots...no corn...no Jan Hooks...

The museum was useless after a day filled with reading scientific posters, and the big room for which the Alamo is known took about 20 seconds to walk through. I gained no sense of the impeding doom the soldiers faced in their final moments or why the Alamo is so significant in American history (except for the fact that it may have rallied the people to fight for their independence). The Goliad massacre seemed much more dramatic and horrific to me. Because of the realization that the Alamo meant nothing to me (or maybe it was because the place was closing) I stayed away from the gift shop. In retrospect I probably should have ventured inside to see what delightful trinkets might have sat upon my shelves gathering dust. I did make it to several gift shops and here are a few items I could have purchased:

Mexican jumping beans
"Bling bling San Antonio" Beadazzled T-shirt
Coonskin cap
Spurs memorabilia
Ceramic ginger root magnet that says "San Antonio, TX"
Pipes of pan CD featuring my favorite country hits
etc...

but I didn't...Here is what I returned with:
A Sheriff's badge and black lizard skin boots for J.
Snakeskin boots for me.

Anyway, despite my negativity, the conference proved to be excellent and the Mexican food and beef (steaks and burgers) was (were?) magically delicious. I loved staying in a haunted hotel, although the only ghost I thought existed turned out to be just a player piano that knew all the hits of Les Miserables. The sewer...er...Riverwalk boat tour also highlighted the week teaching me that the only thing more important than Texas history to a tourist visiting San Antonio is a gentle breeze and a margarita on an uncomfortably hot and humid summer night in San Antonio.

Go Spurs!!!

Now Playing:

2005-06-11T00:57:00.000-04:00

I've finally gotten my xspf player running properly although the time to load each song takes a while, so check it out. small, baby steps.

So my trip to San Antonio which I've been anticipating for more than a year is over. Although I initiallly scoffed at the prospect of travelling to San Antonio, I have to admit that as a tourist, it's pretty great. Surprisingly, none of the corn I ate while down there has resurfaced. I'll fill in more details later, but let me know if there are problems with the player.
My next two tasks involve fixing the archiving problem and using different fonts that I like more than the ones available. Any help in either of these areas will be appreciated especially the archiving.

Oh, and until I can figure out how to put a little disclaimer, please support the starving artists and the overweight artists that create the music that makes my life enjoyable and buy their albums if you like what you hear.

Finally, I'm reading my second book in a row (without prior knowlege before cracking the spine) about an autistic child trying to solve a mystery. Why didn't Hanna Barbara get their hands on this concept in the seventies? Can you imagine a band of mystery solving special needs kids who also play in a band and have a pet rat. It could be called "The Smartest Kids in the World Detective Agency" Anyway, I liked Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close better even if it did cheese me out at times....it also broke my heart while I laughed out loud. I leant it to someone who I may never see again, but hopefully I'll get it back.

Tossed Salads: Then and Now

2005-05-26T12:40:00.000-04:00

My lunch today is a salad made up of the following:
Spinach
feta Cheese
Chick peas
Chick en
Cucumbers
Carrot Shreds
Sunflower Seeds
Ranch Dressing
Cheddar/Monterey Jack Cheese Medley

When I was younger, this was my salad
Cottage Cheese
Chick Peas
Cheddar Cheese
Blue Cheese Dressing
Bacon Bits
Crispy Chinese Noodles

Salad Bar Tid Bits
Sneeze guards make me suspicious especially when the edge allows the sneeze juice to drain directly into the vegetables and accoutrements.

When faced with a salad bar topping missing thongs or a spoon, I tend to panic. In such situations, I use a similar philosophy at the salad bar as I would with my butt crack. Who wants their vegetables tainted with the thongs of another? Not me, so I try to find a suitable substitution for that item. For example, if there is no thong in the broccoli, I will take the thongs from the cauliflower. There are no substitutes for chick peas or sunflower seeds, so in these cases I will subtly use a near by serving utensil after ensuring that nobody is watching.

Once I was completely grossed out by an old lady who was attempting to decipher the salad dressings. I assume it was a question of Ranch or Blue Cheese cause let's face it, if you can't see the chunks, how would you know? The bitty in question took the ladle and held it up to her nose not one centimeter from the nostril and inhaled. In order to inhale, she probably would have had to have exhaled as the ladle approached unless she was a puppet and her fairy godmother had just that instant turned her into a real girl which I seriously doubt unless her fairy godmother was really mean and wanted her to be ugly which I suppose WOULD be an amusing anecdote to tell the other fairy god mothers at their weekly get together...so I thought about all of the stuff that fell out of her nose as the ladle approached cause let's face it, if you can't see the chunks, how would you know?

Here's a great book I'm reading that has nothing to do with salad bars, but if you want to laugh while you're feeling really sad this book will get the job done.

Scuba Booty

2005-05-24T21:43:00.000-04:00

My magical fruit

2005-05-24T21:32:00.000-04:00

2005-05-24T15:32:00.000-04:00

2005-05-22T12:20:00.000-04:00

2005-05-22T00:56:00.000-04:00

2005-05-21T20:03:00.000-04:00

Why my TV shows will never be made:

2005-05-20T09:44:00.000-04:00

The Pitch:
Tranny 911 centers around a group of trannies who go into households to fix out of control children. Each episode will begin at Tranny Central where after viewing a tape of the little munchkins, one tranny will be dispatched to observe and correct the situation. Each episode will unfold just as Nanny 911 would over a seven day period with the family completely oblivious that Nanny Deb is actually Tranny Deb. After the problem is resolved, the tranny nanny sits the family down to say her farewells and as she walks towards the door, she turns around, lifts her maroon dress and shows the children her penis and leaves the house forever.

Slew of Overdues

2005-05-19T11:23:00.000-04:00

With the overdue arrival of Esthero's second full length album, Wikked Lil’ Grrrls (June 28, 2005) - her first since 1998's Breath from Another and the Gorillaz followup Demon Days (currently featured on MTV.com the Leak) I began to think about other groups and performers that have left me with musical blueballs.

1) Res - Res' recipe for successipe was an alternative R & B / pop / rock / reggae fusion that may have put her on the fringes with many listeners, but placed her squarely into my heart and heavy rotation (special thanks to Best Buy's creative display and the subtle "Res pronounced Reese" that floated in the back of the cover art that was so dorky I had to give it a chance. V and I used to call her "Res pronounced Reese" because we loved her and the whole phonetics thing seemed completely ridiculous). Last Release: "How I Do" released in 2001.

2) The Breeders - Kim and Kelly Deal! Having gone to the University of Dayton and having met both Kelley Deal one night at the "gay Denny's" and Kim Deal while playing bass for The Frogs, I'm naturally drawn to The Breeders. When they came out in 2002 with Title TK, I was completely blown away and found their analog sound to be brilliant and their nonsensical lyrics to be exactly what I needed to get me through what would be my last summer in Baltimore.

3) I had Royksopp here, but found that they in fact do have a new album coming out this summer so see the "on the horizon" section

4) The Sleepy Jackson - Okay, so the album Lovers only came out 2 years ago, but this Australian band blew me away upon first listen and I'm anxious for more.

5) Scissor Sisters - Okay, so they just put an album out, but who can ever say they've had enough Scissor Sisters? The news on their website indicates that they're starting to play new songs at appearances so a new album will be out in due time...

Here are the albums on the horizon that I can't wait to roll around in like urine soaked sheets:
1) Goldfrapp Ooh La La - This band never disappoints. Apparently their newest album is supposed to take them mainstream, but I'm selfishly hoping it doesn't.
2) Bob Mould Body of Song - Evidence - Exhibit A - As a regular cave cricket in the 9:30 club's basement I will testify that Bob Mould is hot right now. (also backed up by the fact that there's no doubt in my mind that no other event inside or outside of the district will measure up to Blowoff. Exhibit B - Mould's remix of Interpol's "Length of Love" is probably the best remix I've ever heard. period. Conclusion: If Bob Mould's current influences and tastes reflect anything of what is to come on his new album, I predict sticky underpants.
3) Royksopp The Understanding (listed on Amazon as This Understanding) - July 12th in US stores. Sample their new song "Only This Moment" here.
4/5) Esthero Wikked Lil’ Grrrls and The Gorillaz Demon Days

If music were emotions, this is how I'd be feeling:
"Hold Tight London" - The Chemical Brothers
"Waiting for the Siren's Call" - New Order
"Length of Love" (Fog vs. Mould) - Interpol
"Housework" - The B-52's
"B.M.F.A." - Martha Wainwright
"There Is a Light That Never Goes Out" -The Smiths
"Saturdays" - Cut Copy
"(You Can Blame It on) Anybody" - Phoenix
"California One Youth and Beauty Brigade" - The Decemberists
"Cinnamon Park" - Jill Sobule
"Your Favorite Thing" - Sugar
"A Forest" - Nouvelle Vague
"Girl" - Beck
"Tropical Iceland" -The Fiery Furnaces
"Glass Conversation" - The Ponys
"Speak Slow" - Tegan and Sara
"Know How" - Kings of Convenience
"22 - Death of All the Romance" -The Dears
"Popcorn (Diplo Remix)" - Diplo and Walter Wanderly
"Killing in the Name of" - Rage Against the Machine

Rhythm is a Cancer

2005-05-17T11:48:00.000-04:00

Dear Kylie,

Get well soon. I believe in you!

-Schitzo